Not that Different

When a woman becomes pregnant again after experiencing a loss, she is often told “this is a different pregnancy, a different baby,” by those around her. Those words are meant to be a source of hope for the woman who is pregnant after loss. They are meant to convey the idea that a rainbow pregnancy is different than a loss pregnancy and will therefore produce a different outcome. And while it’s true that each pregnancy is different, a loss mom knows that the only true difference between her rainbow pregnancy and loss pregnancy occurs if and when she gets to bring a living baby home.

I was honored to write my thoughts on what makes a rainbow pregnancy different for Pregnancy After Loss Support (PALS) earlier this month.

“After I became pregnant with my rainbow baby, it seemed as if I was expected to brush the heartache of past pregnancies aside and assume that nothing would go wrong this time. People often remarked that this was a different pregnancy, implying that certainly there would be a different outcome. But was it really that different? Sure, there was a different life growing inside of me, but it involved the same body, same genes, and same potential problems. There was no predicting if this pregnancy would produce different results than my last two. And after two failed pregnancies, I didn’t think that the odds were really in my favor…

After months and months of praying that my rainbow pregnancy really would be different, my prayers were answered, and I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I was stunned. For months this pregnancy had been plagued by fear, threatening medical terms, and flashbacks to previous pregnancies that ended in loss. Despite making it safely through each week, only in the end did it truly turn out to be different.

While I know that those who assured me that this pregnancy would be different were trying to plant seeds of hope in my weary heart, I knew that nothing was certain. A different pregnancy doesn’t guarantee different results. And for a loss mom who is carrying her rainbow baby, the only difference between this time and last time might just be that she gets to leave the hospital with her baby.”

To read the full article at Pregnancy After Loss Support, click here

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