As a rainbow baby grows and changes, it gives a loss mom the opportunity to reflect on the long journey from leaving the hospital empty handed to bringing a baby home. I think people usually expect loss moms to simply be excited to be pregnant again, without taking into consideration the emotions involved in a rainbow pregnancy. Society tends to group normal pregnancies and rainbow pregnancies into the same category, when in fact they are completely different. Women are expected to be excited about pregnancy, but excitement can be hard to find for the loss mom.
In this article that I wrote for Pregnancy After Loss Support, I discuss the “darkness” of a rainbow pregnancy and some of the different emotions that a woman experiences as she wonders if she will actually be able to bring her rainbow baby home.
“Referring to pregnancy as “dark” probably isn’t socially acceptable. After all, shouldn’t I have been grateful just to be pregnant? Especially after burying a baby less than a year earlier? I was given another chance! Society reminded me time and time again that I was supposed to be excited about this pregnancy. People, advertisements, pregnancy announcements, maternity photos on Facebook-all of these things a reminder that pregnancy should be joyful! However, spending the better part of a year wondering if the baby I was carrying would die, and maybe even expecting it, wasn’t exactly bliss.
Pregnancy is supposed to be a time of joy. A time for celebration. A pregnant woman is expected to be glowing and giddy, proudly sharing the excitement of new life, and patiently awaiting the birth of her beautiful baby. She isn’t supposed to be depressed, scared, and isolated. But for the loss mom, these feelings are real, and they are valid. I knew all too well that there was no guarantee of bringing a baby home. My mind was too clouded to extract moments of joy from the darkness of this rainbow pregnancy. The joy would come when I could see the rainbow for myself.”
Finish reading the complete article “A Rainbow in the Darkness” here.